if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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