Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
