bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
