we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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