Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
