I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
