He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
