yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
