I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
a search helicopter?!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
