im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
