Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
