I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
