I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Buhtt sex?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
