I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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