she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
