Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
