When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
