I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
