Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm always down for nudity.
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