I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
