dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
