How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
