It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
