Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
