you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
