She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
