if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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