Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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