I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
