I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
