Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
