in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
