thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
it hurts more in the daytime
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
