While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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