just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
