its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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