Me. At least after what I've been through.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
