Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Success! We fucked roommates!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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