I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
