I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
