1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
