I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
