you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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