can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
