she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
