I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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