some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
a search helicopter?!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
