Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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