I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
