Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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