I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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