I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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