It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
