Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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