Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
