when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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