i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
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