Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
