I wish I could punch you in the face.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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