Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize