just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
