come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
