Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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