white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
