i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
