my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
