So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
