Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Yo dont text me then not text me
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
